The Villain Association of Paris (VAP) told me I could make the ultimate secret lair for a new villain in town. The Paris Villain Association is the baddest, most evil, villain association in the entire world. They have stolen from every single high-end store in Paris. This is the first lair I have ever designed so I was incredibly nervous. But in the end, it actually turned out to be quite impressive.
I live in Paris and the secret lair that I designed is very deep underground. In fact, the lair is right under the Eiffel Tower! The lair is rather large and covers an area of approximately 80 acres. There are over 500 workers (who are of course robots) tasked with coming up with plans for evil crimes within Paris. All the best ideas go straight to the head villain who then gets to prioritize the best ones for the next week’s crime spree.
The lair could be considered expensive by some, costing over $100 billion. All that money was a hassle to steal and some banks in town had to be robbed more than once. The first floor of the lair is for all the electronic gadgets and gizmos. For example, a giant robot that has red glowing eyes that will shoot lasers at you if you make eye contact. There are also small mechanical spiders that can melt electronics with their acid webs and instantly paralyze a human with a single bite. The second floor of the lair is the science lab. Obviously, this involves lots of chemicals and testing ways to blow stuff up. We had to invent special soundproofing because it was impacting the precious sleep routine of the villain.
The final and third floor is where the supervillain lives. He is 12.5 feet tall and therefore I designed the roof to be a mere 100 feet to allow for some casual flying around. By request, the floor is made of trampolines. He is just a kid at heart and his favorite thing to do is jump and think of any ideas to ruin Paris. I guess it’s a special way of meditating, he jumps for a while and then ideas pop into his head. This playfulness is reflected in a different playground on each floor. There are giant water slides that connect the playgrounds and various automatic swings that go in all directions. And the crown jewel is a rollercoaster that only he is allowed to ride. He really likes fun stuff for some reason.
On the third floor next to his sleeping area is the super-secret, extra-secure vault. The vault was originally in the science lab but had to be moved after some issues with robot zombies trying to break in. The vault contains billions of dollars and priceless art such as the Mona Lisa (the real one). It is impossible to get into the vault unless you are the main villain or you have a copy of his DNA and a 100 digit pin code that changes every second.
The kitchen, which is also on the third floor, has all of the best foods Paris has to offer. To keep costs down they steal all of the food from the top restaurants. Except for baguettes and croissants, those need to be made fresh.
Now, this lair is quite different from most typical supervillain lairs. First, according to the online magazine Lair-Today, it is triple the size of anything else. Second, (and I’m quite proud of this) most floors and ceilings are aquariums containing sharks, electric eels, and other deadly sea creatures. Third, the lair offers exceptional work areas to help with job satisfaction for the evil robots given the stressful nature of their work and the importance the villain puts on mental health.
As you can imagine, it is extremely hard and arguably impossible to break into the lair. The Paris police even help protect it by providing security for the Eiffel Tower. But, if by some very unlikely miracle, someone did break in there are alarms everywhere. They have face scanners, x-ray scanners, and even voice scanners at every door. If you are not the supervillain (or one of his invited guests) alarms will go off and you will be trapped in a cage that will come down from the ceiling. Then you would later be investigated by some of the robots and either used for robot target practice or fed to the sharks. Uh oh, the alarm just went off. Someone just broke into the secret lair!!